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Lanx Satura [Sat-ahyuhr]: Why America Hates Liberals (Yes, You Do)

by Pete Nicely

You probably don’t hate gay people. You probably chose not to be a fundamentalist Christian because you didn’t want to think about gay sex that much—not that it works, mind you. And when someone close to you came out, you found yourself surprised to discover it had almost no long-term effect, good or bad, on your feelings. And from this you know that all homophobia is self-hate. Who else has the time?

I don’t think you hate black people. You’ve probably never been faced with how you feel about race mixing, unless your immediate family married eclectically. Then you’re probably among the silent majority of Americans who admit that mixed kids are usually 15 percent cuter. Still, you’re not some Herman Cain running around saying that racism doesn’t hold anyone back any more. The Kochs aren’t paying you enough to do so.

You don’t hate poor people. But you don’t get it. You work hard. Life’s definitely not easy for you. You’ve had tough times and as Craig T. Nelson said, “I’ve been on welfare and food stamps. Anyone help me out? No.

But you may hate liberals.

The liberals who spend your money, the liberals who apologize for America, the hungry baby liberals who see government as big momma government Dolly Parton as lactating and ready.

Why do you hate liberals? The credit to this goes to Ronald Reagan and his corporate sponsors. Ronald Reagan spoke to America. In the clearest terms, in the most perfectly paced, sotto radio voice of radio’s heyday, Ronald Reagan was able to blame every problem in America on a group almost no one claimed they were a part of—liberals.

In the early 60s, Reagan was the Glenn Beck of the day. Ronald Reagan laid the foundation for all of the liberal hate of the next half-century.

You can listen as Reagan works his silky smooth magic here:

The formula is simple: Socialism became liberalism to erase the greatness of America.

It’s a formula that led to the massive tax breaks for the wealthy of the 80s and the 2000s, tax breaks that are most singularly responsible for the two spikes that have been pounded into the heart of the middle class:

A massive transfer to and accumulation of wealth by the top 1 percent. As deficits skyrocketed, the top .01 of the top 1 percent accumulated the kind of wealth most people don’t have the zeros to imagine. Michael Moore is fond of pointing out that the top 400 Americans own more than the bottom 150,000,000 combined. They also own all of the Republicans. You can buy useful things like Republicans when you have millions sitting in the bank.

The cost of higher education has more than doubled, as a share of income. This is no coincidence. This is the point of tax breaks, to starve the beast, to create an opportunity for for-profit colleges that charge you tens of thousands of dollars for something less than a community college education. This is a Republican party that wants to privatize everything and let the coal and oil industry regulate themselves. Why? Because there is money to be made. And only a liberal would leave money on the table.

Of course, the GI Bill funded by 90 percent taxes on the richest 1 percent built the America Ronald Reagan was trying to save.

Liberals who recognized that certain things like roads, schools, police and fire departments, the military, unemployment insurance, guaranteed pensions, business and environmental regulators have to be socialized or the capitalists would crash this economy again and again… These liberals built this country that Ronald Reagan was trying to save.

Some feel that Ronald Reagan’s goal was to spread apathy, to make it easier for those at the top to lead. Capitalism for those at the top is better than socialism for everyone.

I don’t think Reagan was that smart. Like Glenn Beck, he recognized that he had an opening and opportunity. And unlike Glenn Beck, he could stick to a script, which ultimately won him the part of the most powerful man in the world.

And the fact is all these labels are trappings. I think technically we’re all liberals and it’s clear that most conservatives are regressives.

Most people are not angry with Wall Street because they are capitalists, but because they are hypocrites who socialized their losses. And now they’re using their Republicans to make banks that were too big too fail bigger than ever, which means the whole catastrofuck will happen again.

Many liberals get as giddy with blood lust when a Qaddafi or bin Laden goes down. We take every tax break we can get. We get anxious when the government wants to give us a cup check at the airport.

But the difference between a liberal and you is this: you may think one day you’ll be in that top 1 percent, and when you see yourself there you’re not going to want some Welfare Queen pulling away from the curb in her pink Cadillac with the bulk of your hard earned living.

Gangsta rapper John Steinbeck once gangsta rapped: “Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires.”

So here are the numbers on the top 1 percent:

Top 1% = $368,238 (20.9% of income)
Top 0.5% = $558,726 (16.8% of income)
Top 0.1% = $1,695,136 (10.3% of income)
Top 0.01% = $9,141,190 (5% of income)

Yes. 5 percent of the income of this country goes to the tiny group of Americans earning over $9 million a year. And they are paying the lowest taxes they have paid in a half-century. And they’re probably paying a lower tax rate on you since Bush’s big contribution to the tax system was to tax playing with money at a much lower rate than actual hard work.

Why did this happen? Because Ronald Reagan tricked you into hating liberals.

But I sense things are changing, finally. For the first time, America recognizes that socialism has its place, in Social Security, in Medicare, in public education. Capitalism is an engine that drives this economy. But it has to be tuned and ultimately updated with something that runs on renewable energy.

Why is this changing? Because liberals have a new name—the 99 percent.

And even Ronald Reagan couldn’t fool 99 percent of the people all of the time.

Pete Nicely is @LOLGOP on Twitter and he’s probably tweeting mean things about Ronald Reagan right now.


 

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18 Comments for “Lanx Satura [Sat-ahyuhr]: Why America Hates Liberals (Yes, You Do)”

  1. [A2Politico notes: This comment was edited. Keep it civil. Keep it smart.]

    Sure none of the dumbocrats are bought and paid for. Just spend 10 min. looking into Pelosi.

  2. Hey, Herkimer! Why is a “citation needed” for a statement that was never made either in the satirical essay or in the comments???

    Just askin’…

  3. How did anyone ever take Reagan seriously?

    Listening to Reagan these days, it is so freaking obvious that he was just spouting propaganda for big business. Why wasn’t this obvious to so many people in the past? The reason Reagan is so horrific is that he makes it possible for such things as the Bush administration. If there was no Reagan, there would have been none of the horrors that we experienced for 8 years and that we continue to experience the results of (the tax cuts for the rich, the growing debt, the wars, the Patriot Act, Gitmo, and on and on).

  4. As long as this is approached as a partisan issue like this; we ain’t goin’ no where. The entire political system and the Supreme Court and the Justice Dept. are subverted to serve the rich and keep the poor in their place: at the bottom of the food chain and the service of the rich as cheaply as is possible.

    To the rich, the middle class was an accident that needs to be corrected. At any cost to the country.

  5. bottombitchdetroit

    Here’s the problem with this line of thinking and the overall line of thinking of the OWSers. Republicans do not vote the way they do because corporations own them. They vote the way they do because deregulation and lower corporate taxes is their platform. This is what their constiuents want. Saying we are the 20 percent (meaning liberals) doesn’t have the same ring as saying we are the 99 percent. And now you have actual young protesters believing this nonsense and thinking that they can start some type of revolution instead of facing the fact that this is the same republican/democrat war that has always been raging and that nothing will change unless they start, right now, getting candidates in place to move the democrats to the left.

  6. I never understand articles like these. I want the government to spend less, not because I’m a temporarily embarrassed millionaire, but because I think government has shown itself to be a drunken abusive father who drains all of the family money on beer, cigarettes, and guns. It blows my mind that people want to give this abusive monster any more money to use for it’s ill purposes. They use the poor as a poster, while they drop bombs on the heads of the poor in countries we have no business being in. They use our money to bail out the richest of the rich, and then act surprised when the richest of the rich hold onto their money after facing the abyss. They sign faux-free trade agreements that hurt small businesses at home, but open new markets for businesses to offshore with.

    People want to give this beast money, and then tell me I’m voting against my own best interests for being against the idea. I think anyone who wants to feed this beast another dollar deserves what he’s got today.

  7. “Most conservatives are racist and ignorant.”

    Citation needed. Most of the truly racist and ignorant people I’ve met have been die-hard, union Democrats. Despite that I would never claim that all Democrats or union members are racist or ignorant. It’s simply absurd to paint everyone with the same brush.

  8. I don’t have a problem with the fact that some people are rich — even very rich. I have a problem with the fact that our political system is for sale to the highest bidder, and as a result, our country pursues policies that benefit the very wealthiest by making the vast majority poorer, leaving the masses with little to no political recourse.

  9. This is quite possibly the most sensationalized and meaningless article ever written.
    I’m a conservative. I don’t hate gays, minorities, any other ethnic or social group. I don’t even hate liberals. I don’t agree with them, but that doesn’t mean I hate them. I always welcome an intelligent discussion of political issues with liberals.

    This article is a fine example of the bigger problem. Categorizing people and stereotyping them based on their political beliefs is meaningless. That’s no different than racism, homophobia or anything of the sort. Because there are racist and ignorant conservatives, we must all be.

  10. Good thing the Democrats aren’t bought and sold like the Republicans or else we’d be in trouble. /s
    Wait, wut?

  11. Gangsta rapper John Steinbeck once gangsta rapped: “Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires.”
    best part of this whole thing.

  12. They own the top layer of Republican politicians and most of the top Democratic politicians, and control the rest of the Republican party. Other than that slight correction, you are 100% right.

  13. Rebecca: That’s the product of a two party system.
    Obviously there is a lot of in between but I think both sides call that road kill.

  14. You also use Greece as a straw man. You also persist in
    your world-view. And you persist despite all factual
    evidence that contradicts your pre-existing emotional
    preference. What are they telling you ? No regulations =
    unfettered speculation = crash of ’29. Then regulations come
    along with higher taxes and we have 50 years of prosperity.
    Then regulations are dropped and we have S&l, Enron, Dot-Com,
    housing bubble, TARP – and massive unemployment.

    Yes, neither of us are economists, we’re just schmoes. The
    ONLY choice we have is to either trust government, or trust
    corporations. The difference is – I can at least vote for the
    government.

  15. “The issue is this: there are two ways to go about skinning the same cat. One is all things through government and the other is keeping government at bay (the original implementation of the Constitution).”

    Strawman, indeed? You don’t think there is a continuum? It’s either/or? :D You guys crack me up…

  16. Ronnie didn’t like big government, so by extension, liberals. And no, don’t give me a straw man argument about no roads.

    The issue is this: there are two ways to go about skinning the same cat. One is all things through government and the other is keeping government at bay (the original implementation of the Constitution).

    One world view is to have government take care of all our needs. Europe had it good from the end of the second world war until more recently. Sure, Europe had the red menace at their gates but they didn’t spend much of any money worrying about it; They had the US for defense. So instead of spending money on defense, Europe spent the money on social programs. Sure Europe had higher taxes but everything was taken care of; Hey, you could/can retire at 50.

    Liberals in the US thought to themselves, hey, what a great idea, let’s be like Europe. And they’ve been pushing that way for some time (OK, I am simplifying a bit, FDR did exist).

    Well, if you take a look at Europe now, more specifically Greece and Portugal, things aren’t all rosy. But still, liberals persist in their world view. This is where we are currently meeting the other world view, poor kitty.

    @Pete: Apparently you don’t like straight talkin’ Herman.

  17. Who (or what) is Lanx Satura? This column is written by Pete Nicely. And if Lanx Satura wants me to pronounce that name “sat-ahyuhr,” he/she/it can jolly well spell it Satayur.

    • @Henryk, thanks for stopping by. The term “Lanx Satura: is “satire” in Latin. We provide the phonetic translation of the word “satire” next to the column title. Of course, you know that explaining something like this is fruitless. A2Politico believes that people who read the site are always prepared to bob and weave as we throw intelligent writing their way. That includes picking up on our use of Latin, when necessary. Pete Nicely is our Rex of Satire. He writes the column Lanx Satura.

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